My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
