Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
