Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
