what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
