hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
