I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
