everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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