Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
