I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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