I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
