he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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