I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
