i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
