Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
