I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
