The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
