I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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