not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
