whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
