i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
