In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
