so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
