ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you would pick up someone in the library
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
