I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
