This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
