So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
