I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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