So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
