She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
