haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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