What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
