Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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