It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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