And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
