I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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