Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
