so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
