dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
