sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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