Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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