why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
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Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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