i was born a porn star she said
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
