I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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