I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
