suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
