It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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