gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.