Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?