mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
