she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
