When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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