Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
