My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog