ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence