woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
