when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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