just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳