I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
