I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
