anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!