dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.