hotties wanna shake it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.