I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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