Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
