who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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