she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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