Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
