i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
