Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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