I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i will never coherently bang her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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