my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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