wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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