I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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