If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
