She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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