She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it's great music for shaving your balls
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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