"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
