I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
