true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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