??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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