Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
