it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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