Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
