i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
