Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
