dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
