this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
