you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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