oh god the rape fog is back!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
