i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize