NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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