i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
