if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
