ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
